Returning Renault Bears to a worthwhile life of daytime telly, eating jammy toast and surfing the internet.
Latest Bear News…
Mon 5th Jul 2010
We are pleased to announce that things are back to normal today following our outage yesterday. We would like to apologise to everyone who tried to access the site only to find an advert for alloy wheels. We have forgiven our domain hosts for their mistake after they offered their own apologies for the mistake, which lead to our domain name not being renewed.
We had been planning to have a Musical Sunday yesterday but instead of posting it late when most people would have missed it, we decided to postpone it until next weekend.
The Bears were interested today to hear that a man has been fined £5,000 for “shill bidding” on eBay. This is where someone pretends to be someone else and bids against him or herself to drive the price up. We have often suspected we have been the victim of such practises ourselves but we are pleased to hear that eBay investigates these actions and takes legal proceedings against those found to be practising it. A spokesperson for them today said, “This practice is not only prohibited on eBay as it damages the integrity and fairness of trading on our site, but it is also illegal.”
Speaking of eBay, all is quiet on the new Bear front for now with no Bear auctions on the horizon. Razzi and I did nearly have a crash in Heswall last Friday when we passed a charity shop and thought we saw a Renault Bear in need of rescue. When we returned, however, we found it was not a Renault Bear after all. We will keep on searching.
We hope you are all enjoying the weather and do not forget people, let’s be careful out there!
Disaster Strikes
Sun 4th Jul 2010
Apologies to anyone who has been trying to visit our blog today only to see an advertisement for alloy tyres. We would also like to take back all the nice things we have ever said about our hosts JustHosts.
To cut a long story short, our domain was up for renewal yesterday and after we paid the £9.75 for the year, our host forgot we paid. We have spent today trying to persuade them that we did indeed pay the bill and get them to renew our domain so you can all continue to visit the blog.
Put in its simplest terms… Razzi had to stick 50p in the meter.
Normal service will resume tomorrow!
Bear Interview #1: Jeremy Kyle
Sat 3rd Jul 2010
Hero of The Bears: Jeremy Kyle
Jeremy Kyle is one of only eight official Heroes of The Bears. This demonstrates how highly we all think of him. Therefore, it was brilliant news when he agreed to let us interview him for the first in a new series of posts. He was born in London where he began his career in radio, hosting the late-night show “Confessions” on Capital Radio. Four years ago, he moved into television, as the host of The Jeremy Kyle Show, which attracts 1.5 million viewers daily. Next year, he will present a version of his show for the American market.
Welcome to the Bear Sanctuary
Thank you.
Jeremy, what is your greatest fear?
Firstly, it would be seeing my kids seriously hurt or ill and secondly anything that would trigger my claustrophobia.
What is your earliest memory?
Ice on the inside of my bedroom windows.
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
My dad – he’s the perfect gentleman.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Ironically enough, given what I do and how it is sometimes received, people-pleasing.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Involuntarily farting a suppository back out at the nurse who had just aggressively inserted it.
Apart from your house, what is the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
A car and a horse, in that order.
What is your most treasured possession?
My golf clubs.
If you were a superhero, what would your super power be?
To know people’s true thoughts. I’d be a walking, talking lie detector!
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Matthew Wright.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Midnight mopping.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My teeth – staring at them is like confronting a bag of smashed crockery in the mirror.
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Common decency.
What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
A rent-a-yob once bellowed, “Oi, Kyle, you’re a cunt!” through my car window as my then teenage daughter sat frozen beside me.
What do you owe your parents?
My education – they went without for years so I could get decent schooling.
Have you ever said “I love you” and not meant it?
Yes, to my daughter’s ex-hamster as we buried it.
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
My dad, Simon Cowell, Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair, the Queen, Paul Burrell, Razzi and my lie detector man.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“Put something on the end of it!”
What is the worst job you have had?
Stacking bananas for M&S.
What has been your biggest disappointment?
My ears – disappointments that grow bigger each year.
When did you last cry, and why?
I’m ashamed to confess, last week, watching Ghost.
What is the closest you have come to death?
I did die once, for seven seconds, after a burst appendix.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My four beautiful children.
Tell us a secret.
I’ve not worn underwear for 20 years.
Frank Sidebottom Saved From Pauper’s Funeral
Fri 2nd Jul 2010
Frank pictured with Little Frank
We reported last week how upset The Bears were to hear that Frank Sidebottom had died. The papier-mâché headed aspiring pop star from Timperley died from cancer after being a hero of ours for many years. Today we can reveal that he died virtually penniless and was facing a pauper’s funeral. Luckily, thanks to a Facebook page being set up in his honour, he can now have a proper burial and there is some money left over to go to his family.
The Facebook page, entitled Frank’s Fantastic Funeral, which was set up by friends, has raised £6,500. One of his friends, Guardian journalist Jon Ronson, who also played with the Frank Sidebottom Oh Blimey Big Band in the early 1980s, said: “Nobody wanted Frank Sidebottom to have a pauper’s funeral. Frank was a “live in the moment” man, wrapped up completely in his art. He earned money, spent it, and wouldn’t be thinking about planning and finance. “
Other people have also helped. Comedians Phil Jupitus, Jason Manford and DJ Mark Radcliffe all made contact about donating to the fund. His former manager and friend Guy Lovelady said, “Once there is enough money to pay for the funeral, the remainder will be passed to the family as Chris, his former wife, would still be supporting Frank’s son Harry for at least the next couple of years.” He said that some of the money might be used to create a statue in Frank’s home town of Timperley, if that was the family’s wish.
We all think that would be a great idea and would provide a lasting tribute to our hero. After all, there cannot be too many places having statues erected in honour of local heroes with papier-mâché heads!
Razzi Falls Victim Of Phishing Scam
Thu 1st Jul 2010
Poor little Razzi was distraught this morning when he checked his email. Being a very meticulous little Bear, he likes to keep up with his correspondence because he hates to keep his fans waiting for a reply. This morning however, we knew something was wrong straight away. He had only been at the computer for a few seconds when his face took on a worried look and he let out a little perturbed sigh. What could be wrong with him we all thought?
Razzi called Edward over and showed him an email he had just received…
We all looked at each other. How could anyone stoop so low as to try to perform credit card fraud on a young unsuspecting Bear? Razzi is very trusting and we would hate to think of anyone even attempting to take advantage of his good nature.
Just as we were about to ring the bank and demand an explanation, Edward started to ask a few questions. He asked Razzi did he even have a credit card because as far as we knew Razzi hides his pocket money under his bed and hates to actually part with any of it except in an emergency. Razzi admitted not only did he not have a credit card but also he was not entirely sure what one was.
Edward went further and asked Razzi did he actually have a bank account with HSBC? Razzi explained that he does not really trust banks because he likes to store his money where he can keep an eye on it, preferably in the glass jar underneath his bed.
Edward laughed and told Razzi that he had been the victim of a Phishing Scam. He explained that this is where someone criminally attempts to obtain usernames, passwords or even credit card details by masquerading as a trustworthy bank or building society.
So there we have it, some low life out there is trying to swindle a Teddy Bear! Razzi is not very pleased and Granny has promised him some extra Jammy Toast today to cheer him up. Razzi said later that it is just as well we have Edward around because; after all, he is smarter than the average Bear!
Roger Moore Hates Scousers!
Wed 30th Jun 2010
Actor Roger Moore, most famous for playing smooth talking spy James Bond, has been lamenting the demise of the Queen’s English. He says that people who speak properly are now disadvantaged and because he speaks so beautifully, if he were starting out today it would prove a handicap in his profession.
“You have to have a regional dialect to get anywhere these days”, he said. “Deborah, my daughter, complains she is always being turned down for parts because she is not regional in her speech, which is a great pity. I think it is sad that proper English is disappearing. I don’t see why it went out of fashion.”
We thought we would put this to the test and find out what our friend Andrea thought about this. We explained to her just who Roger Moore was and what he had said and asked for her reaction. She replied, “Wot da fuck is he on abwt lyk? Is he sayin’ we don’t talk propa or summit? Tell him ta cum down Kirkby n il give da twat a dig. Am fumin’ now yernoo”.
We do not think there is anything wrong with a regional dialect. Even though most of the Bears were not born or raised on Merseyside, it is funny how they inherit a little scouse accent with time. Even Razzi admitted he likes having a scouse accent and it always goes down well with the ladies.
If any of our readers would like to leave a comment and let Roger Moore know what they think please do not be shy, just leave your replies in the comments section.
…and remember people, let’s be careful out there!
From Now On We Support The Faroe Islands
Tue 29th Jun 2010
The Bears are a bit fed-up today. Our World Cup exploits are over and there is a gaping hole where once our hopes were. The only real thing to look forward to in the football world is the face on Fabio Capello if he gets the sack. Even that will be at least two weeks away while the FA considers his future.
Capello said before the World Cup that he would be disappointed if England did not get to the final. Well wake up and smell the coffee because they did a lot worse than that! There is no one else to blame for the disaster; he is the one who picks the team, he is the one who decides on the tactics and he is the one who must motivate the players and get the most out of them. None of that happened!
As is always the case in football, the manager must answer for the performances and the results.
It is easy to blame the “what ifs”. What if USA had not scored in the last minute of their game against Algeria and we had been left a much easier game against Ghana instead of Germany? What if the goal Frank Lampard scored against Germany had been allowed to stand? The truth however, if we are honest with ourselves, is we got what we deserved. The players, for whatever reason, did not perform. Capello says they were too tired following our domestic season while the rest of Europe has a winter break to rest the players.
They did not perform for him at the World Cup and there has to be a more plausible reason for that. They never looked comfortable and you get the impression they were not happy with him as manager even though John Terry was the only one with the guts to say as much. Maybe now the tournament is over for us, we may find one or two others who will break their silence and offer some insight into why this World Cup has been such a crushing disappointment.
Maybe all The Bears should start supporting the Faroe Islands. They are considered to be one of the weakest members of UEFA and are currently ranked 125th in the world. They have never reached the final stages of ANY world competition and they were beaten 5-0 in their very first International match against… The Shetland Islands!
If we were to support the Faroe Islands, at least they could only get better!
